


Moondust

by sansibei



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Rejection, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 01:53:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18790630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansibei/pseuds/sansibei
Summary: Izaya disappears.





	Moondust

_I'm building this house, on the moon_  
_Like a lost, astronaut_  
_Lookin' at you, like a star_  
_From a place, the world forgot._

* * *

"My name is Orihara Izaya. Nice to meet you."

"I don't like you."

When exactly had he met Izaya? Sometime in highschool. That was all he knew. Specifically when…? Probably during one of his violent rampaging phases.

Izaya had been peculiar. If not for him, Shizuo might've gone through the rest of high school in peace like he wanted. But everything was ruined when the flea became persistent on playing him like a chess piece in his weird board game.

Yeah, he was. Peculiar. To put it more frankly, impossible to comprehend. Him and his weird obsession towards humans…and towards making a hell out of Shizuo’s life. To make matters worse, he seemed to be omnipresent. The perpetrator behind most of his troubles. As Shizuo liked to put it, when something happens there's a 99% chance it's Izaya.

Which made his disappearance all the more mysterious. Was a simple beating that caused him to be confined to a wheelchair all it took for Shizuo's troubles to be gone?

Ikebukuro was quiet now. No gangs stirring up conflict, no Izaya there to give Shizuo a reason to throw vending machines.

He kind of liked it. But there was definitely a pit in him he couldn't figure out how to fill.

* * *

_And there's nothing, that I can do  
Except bury my love for you. _

* * *

"Hey, have you heard?" Tom asked one day.  
"What?"  
"Izaya's gone missing."

Shizuo had adjusted comfortably to Izaya leaving Ikebukuro. He no longer cared enough to burst into a rage when the informant was mentioned. Instead, he pushed up his shades and looked back at his friend.

"Uh, yeah, I know that. He's moved to Shinjuku. That was months ago."

"No, no," said Tom in exasperation. "I mean he's gone missing. Even from Shinjuku. No one has seen him anywhere. If you've heard the rumours they say he's dead."

"Huh." Shizuo thought it was rather funny. He couldn't quite picture the all-knowing, practically invincible information broker, formerly dubbed one of the strongest men of Ikebukuro, getting himself killed. Shizuo wasn’t one to think too deeply into things, but even he got the feeling that the rumours were definitely wrong. Izaya is probably trying to do something again, is what he had assured himself of. He didn’t really think twice about why he felt the need to reassure himself Izaya wasn’t dead.

* * *

_The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough  
To bury my love, in the moondust._

* * *

It was not like the two of them had only ever fought. No one really knew about the times they were too tired or uninterested to fight. The fifteen seconds after they initially met seemed to be all others knew of the peace they shared. Then Shizuo tried to punch Izaya and the rest is history.

Back to the topic of peace. Shizuo reckoned he would probably die under his own strength before he would tell of those times to anyone. Those times where, very rarely, the two rivals had coexisted, within sight of each other, without conflict. Did that make them friends in a way? He couldn’t picture them being friends. At most, the peace was sort of like the calm before the storm. But when the storm became the norm it wasn’t really very intimidating or adrenaline-rushing anymore. They were bound to get sick of fighting someday. Then Shizuo had found himself sharing more and more time with Izaya.

* * *

_I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice  
To bury my love, in the moondust._

* * *

The first time Shizuo found himself not wanting to fight Izaya, he thought that he was becoming soft. He wasn’t exactly happy with that development, but he remembered how he had always just wanted a peaceful life and Izaya’s butting in had made him forget that.

So he was secretly grateful that Izaya didn’t have anything grand staged for him. Outside however, he uttered empty threats and had begrudgingly accepted the fact the flea was then sitting beside him. The sunset had been nice.

* * *

 _Nothing can breathe, in the space_  
_Colder than, the darkest sea.  
I have dreams about the days, driving through your sunset breeze._

* * *

_“Hey Shizu-chan, what would you do if I disappeared?”  
Izaya stood at the edge of the school building, swinging his arms like he didn’t know he could fall off any moment._

_Shizuo only looked up at him, and gave him a sceptical look._

_“I’m not really sure. I don’t like you at all, so I think I might be happy. Then again I probably don’t care enough to feel for you.”_

_He laughed. “Ahh, how mean! Here I thought - no wait, I know - that you secretly admire me and just won’t admit it.” Izaya spun on his heels and Shizuo couldn’t help feeling a tiny tug of anxiety at how close Izaya liked to inch towards death._

_“Say more than that and I’ll wrench off a water pipe to bash your head in. What’s there to admire about you anyway?” He growled without any hostility in his voice and took a puff of his cigarette. Izaya giggled again and turned to face the approaching sunset, opening his arms to embrace the soft breeze. “Shall we try?”_

_For some reason, Shizuo’s throat felt tight. He didn’t have an answer and he couldn’t utter anything. Izaya wobbled on the edge on purpose and righted himself. “Well? Wouldn’t it be interesting?”_

* * *

In the end, he didn’t actually do it. Now Shizuo sat up in his bed and stared into the darkness. He wondered why he had been dreaming of the past so much lately, specifically Izaya. It had been years since his disappearance. Shizuo had started to think Izaya was a fever dream and didn’t really exist in the first place.

They say dreams were the manifestations of your desires. Shizuo always dismissed cheesy statements like those. But in the dead of night his mind wandered.

His desires…?

* * *

_But the first thing, that I will do  
Is bury my love for you._

* * *

The hotpot party was livelier than ever.

Izaya liked hotpot, Shizuo thought. Though he was never invited to any of the hotpot parties Shizuo went to. Needless to say, it was because everyone knew he’d destroy the place had Izaya showed up. Come to think of it, how exactly did he know Izaya liked hotpot?

“Yo Shizuo, what’s on your mind? You look gloomy,” Kadota remarked, bringing his bowl to take the seat beside him. Shizuo still had his circle of friends, though some of them grew to be much different over the past few years.

“Nothing much. Hey, do you know what happened to Izaya?” He replied in a low voice, to which Kadota flinched and gave him a look as though he’d just proposed to him. “Huh? I thought you hated Izaya? Why are you concerned with him now?” Kadota barely managed to keep his voice from other people as Shizuo hushed him in a hurry.

“Well, we know for sure he’s gone. I don’t know why though. I don’t even know if he’s alive or not. I hear that his clients were suddenly cut off from contact with him, and his secretary had quit her job days before he was discovered missing.”

“Maybe she knew something so she left?”

“No, I heard Izaya sort of fired her. No one ever knew why. Personally I think it’s to cut off all connections so he could go missing.”

“Well that sounds like some lame cliché for a dumb fanfiction.”

“Probably.”

That was the end of their conversation about Izaya. They moved on to chat about other things, but Shizuo was only half there. His mind involuntarily wandered off to Izaya again and he wondered how the former informant was doing. Assuming he was still alive. Where is he living? Is he having a good life? Is he still working as an information broker somewhere else? Did he still love humans?

* * *

 _The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough_  
_To bury my love, in the moondust._  
_I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice  
To bury my love, in the moondust._

* * *

As highschool was left behind and they went on with their separate lives, Shizuo and Izaya still fought. Izaya always came to bother Shizuo and the latter always uprooted the nearest street sign to swing at him, or picked up the nearest vending machine to hurl. Then they would begin their usual chase and leave half of Ikebukuro in a mess.

The fights occurred more, but they also shared more calm moments. One quite distinct time in Shizuo’s memory, even now, was a sunset someplace deserted. Somehow those calm moments always included a sunset.

* * *

_Izaya stood barefoot on the wet sand and watched the waves crash on the rocks. Not far behind stood Shizuo, holding a camera. Kasuka had asked him to photograph the beach for him since he was running on a tight filming schedule. Shizuo was glad he accepted. The sunset on the beach was like a natural remedy. Not even the pesky flea could ruin it._

_And thank god he didn’t plan to. Izaya skipped around and waded in the water. He was almost like a child. Shizuo walked around snapping pictures of the beautiful scenery, of the coconut trees, the small patches of grass further away from the water, the almost reflective surface of the smooth, damp sand. He felt like he could lose himself in this atmosphere. Quiet, serene, free of chaos. He wanted to stay like this forever._

_“Hey, can I see your photos?” Izaya walked up to him, his rolled up pants wet at the bottom. Shizuo kept it out of his reach and gave him a dubious look. “Haha, don’t worry. I have no intention to damage it,” Izaya saw through his thoughts and chuckled. Shizuo handed him the device. He started clicking through the photos, making no comment on any of them. Shizuo wondered if Izaya had any expertise in photography. Was he judging him? Honestly Shizuo didn’t really know what he was doing. Whatever he thought looked nice, he shot a picture of._

_Izaya was done quickly and handed him the camera back. “Nice photos. They’re really beautiful.”_

_The waves crashed against the rocks. The tree rustled their leaves. Seagulls squawked. And in the midst of nature’s symphony, Shizuo’s heart thumped._

_When Izaya turned to face the sea again, he positioned the camera lens at him and clicked._

* * *

_I'm a cast away, and men reap what they sow.  
And I say what I know, to be true._

* * *

For as long as he could remember, Shizuo never thought of Izaya as a friend. Sure, they watched sunsets together. Sometimes Izaya aided Shizuo in tracking down a debtor. Rarely, they would go eat at Russia Sushi together, to Simon’s delight. But it was just the calm before the storm wasn’t it? Spending time together didn’t make them friends. Shizuo never considered any more possibilities when he chased Izaya through Ikebukuro.

And it really hit him hard when Izaya confessed.

It was strange. Someone as fake and cruel as Izaya wouldn’t show love. Not even family. Just look at his sisters and see that he hated them and they hated him. Yeah, it was impossible to imagine Izaya being in love. No, his “love” for humans didn’t count. It was more of a sick obsession. Plus, he very clearly stated on multiple occasions that he hated Shizuo.

Shizuo hadn’t thought Izaya harboured any feelings except hatred towards him at all.

* * *

_Yeah I'm living far away, on the face of the moon.  
I've buried my love to give the world to you._

* * *

_"Listen, Shizuo…"_

_The addressed turned his head to look at Izaya, thinking it weird that he should suddenly utter his actual name. It must be something important._

_"What?"_

_"I think I like you."_

_And after that followed a small silence. He wasn't sure why. Oddly, the situation didn't feel awkward. Until Izaya continued._

_"I meant in a romantic way. I meant,_

_That I love you."_

_Shizuo remained silent. He looked at the concrete below him. He looked at a water pipe next to him. He looked at the sky. He looked everywhere but at Izaya._

_Izaya stood up and got to the edge of the roof of the abandoned factory building they were sitting on, his arms spread. It was just like that day in highschool where he had done the exact same action. Shizuo wondered if that meant Izaya had been interested in him even back then._

_"Well, it's late, don't you think. I best be heading back now." Izaya never waited for Shizuo's answer. He turned and left. He left Shizuo sitting by himself on the rooftop. After that, he never again brought it up. It was almost like it didn’t happen, like he didn't need a response, he just needed to tell him. Wouldn't you want to date the person you confess to? Isn’t that the whole point of a confession?_

_Shizuo could never comprehend him.  
_

* * *

_The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough  
To bury my love, in the moondust._

* * *

Izaya came back.

Everyone was surprised but no one made a big deal out of it. People asked him where he'd disappeared to, but he simply laughed it off and refused to tell them. They lost interest quickly and life returned to normal a few days later. Izaya picked up his job again as an informant, but something about him seemed off. He still laughed and observed humans and dug into people's profiles, but something had changed in him and Shizuo couldn't really tell what.

That damned flea.

One thing that he was sure had changed was their rivalry. Izaya still tried to tempt him into violence often, but years of flea deprivation had left Shizuo numb and uninterested to fight back. He still chased Izaya the first few times, but gave up after that. Izaya did as well.

One day Shizuo was sitting, again, on a rooftop. Of the abandoned old factory that was now his safe haven.

“Found you.”

Izaya sneered as he came to sit down beside the blond. Shizuo simply fixed his gaze on the horizon, smoking his cigarette calmly.

“Beautiful sunset, eh?” Izaya asked softly as a cool, light breeze wafted through the air. The wild grass rustled and the wind made a whooshing sound as it passed. It was peaceful, quiet, just like every other time they spent together when they weren’t fighting.

“Why did you leave?” Shizuo asked quietly.

“Ah. I’ve kept that from people, but the truth, which I haven’t told anyone in Ikebukuro, is...well, you see...I was involved in an accident.”

“Namie told me that while I was meeting with a client from the yakuza, things got violent. I got shot in the leg and while trying to get away, I got pushed out the window and off the building. That’s not the point, though.”

Izaya became silent, as if contemplating whether he should really tell Shizuo. Then he heaved a sigh.

“I lost chunks of my memory when I fell off the building. I forgot some clients, I forgot a few friends, but amongst the people I remember, the details of you were the sharpest. And that was when I thought, I don’t want to continue this fight anymore.”

Shizuo felt his throat get tight, but he didn’t speak. He exhaled a puff of smoke and put out his cigarette. He stood up. Izaya did as well, feeling slightly alarmed. But Shizuo did not try to attack him like he’d expected.

“Do you remember, what you said to me on this very building, before you left?”

Izaya’s eyes grew dark, like this wasn’t a fond memory. He turned to stare into the horizon.

“I’m sorry.”

* * *

_I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice  
To bury my love, in the moondust._

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Moondust by Jaymes Young


End file.
